Sometimes I wonder if I should have told you something that came right from the bottom of my heart
But yet sometimes I wonder if it would have been a bad mistake and it was just another reckless action that I would have made in my life
Then I ask myself ,
How am I to live without telling you how I truly felt?
This is why they invented blogs I suppose *lol*
So here it goes ,
* from the bottom of my heart *
I love you and you were just too close on being my dream guy. I could have fell in love with any other guy but they would still not fulfil my one requirement in my list.Which was to be a christian guy. When I found you , I thought to myself that it wouldn't work out. There you came and you gave me the assurance I needed. But then you left again. You came and go like I was some door in your house that you pass through to get in and out of the house. My friends tell me how silly I am to let you into my life after being hurt three times by you. Even I tell myself how silly I am. Till today and this very second I live , I can still not tell you why I was silly and doing those things. Are you seriously playing with me? I can cry all I want. I can pretend all I want. But still you will never know how much you have hurt me. I feel like stabbing you at your back without you noticing and making sure you feel the hurt I felt. But I am still in love with you and I still cannot do such thing. WHY AM I SO STUPID? And then I wonder again , what if you return for the fourth time and give me another silly assurance? Am I going to fall for it? Should I fall for it? Is this for real? Or it this going to end up as some shit you did to me over and over again? Because of you , I will never believe that there is such thing as a guy who can fulfil my dream guy list. So , here is my conclusion.. I am never falling for you even if you beg me back and no matter how much still I am in love with you I will say NO. I am not risking my heart for another heart break. I rather be with someone who can take care of me and just be enough than to have the perfect one that I love. So here is my farewell for good to our love we once had. I truly enjoyed the five months that we've spent.
Yours truly ,
Radiance
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